The Verdict – Au Pair Adventures

So yesterday I had an appointment with the Orthopedic Surgeon. Long story short, nothing I didn’t know yet.

I have a 95% chance of recurrence at any time, without significant cause. I could dislocate it doing something that you shouldn’t even be thinking about. This will not allow me to keep working with kids, it’s simply irresponsible. This means that I will be going home.

The option I told you about before about getting surgery and then returning to the States is out, my community counselor found out that I could only leave the country for a maximum of 3 weeks. Well, in three weeks I won’t even have seen a hospital yet never mind be in good enough shape to return. So this is pretty much it.

The doctor did declare me unfit for work, which should mean that the insurance would at least pay my flight home. I don’t know when this would be but I’m guessing it won’t be too long from now. I can’t imagine they’d let me work for a few more weeks when I’ve been declared unfit for work. I think it’ll be somewhere next week. I hope I will have enough time to get some of the stuff I was going to get throughout the year, and to say goodbye to everyone. Man this sucks. Eugh. I swear I want to punch a wall.

I am trying very hard not to be too caught up in everything that I will be missing out on, but it’s hard. My friend and I were planning a road trip from Chicago to Seattle in a couple of weeks, I was going to go to Cape Cod for 2 weeks with the family. Not to mention all the travelling I would have done in the weekends. And then there’s the money. I will be going from $250 a week to $0 a week while my expenses will still be the same. Not to mention the money that this earlier than expected departure will cost me. I’ll most likely have to pay some money back to the family for the educational costs that they made for me that I will not be able to complete. Then there’s the extra suitcase I’ll need to buy and the fees for flying with an extra suitcase. And then all the medical stuff back home will be about €350. Not to mention that if my insurance decides that they won’t be covering me because it happened before, I will have a several thousand dollar high bill to my name. My life. Don’t you envy me?

Still, I keep saying to everyone, I didn’t exactly sit still in the 4 months that I have been here. I’ve been to New York, Nashville, San Diego and Chicago. That’s not bad is it? I made some amazing, life-long friends that I did a lot of exciting things with. I took every opportunity that was handed to me and I am glad I did.

I try to keep looking forward. After my surgery I am going to try and find a job as soon as possible so I can start saving money. My friend Tania is getting married in South Africa in October and I am going to try my damnedest to make it there. I would like to see my friend Sandra in France and maybe even work there. I would go back to the UK to visit Leigh if I can find the money, see my friend Saskia in Germany, my friend Kathi in Austria and ultimately I want to go to Australia with Sandra. So I will need to get to saving as soon as possible. If anyone has got a job for me, let me know.

I am not giving up on my travel plans. I still want to do everything and see much more before I settle down somewhere.

It still sucks though. I wasn’t done yet.. not by a long shot.

God I’m so angry.

Sunset Cliffs in San Diego. I’m so lucky I have had the chance to see this.

Fuck my life – Au Pair Adventures

So remember how in my last blog I was like super happy to be in San Diego and that I  was really happy here? Well it’s like the universe was like ‘Psh we can’t let this happen. Let’s screw this up’.

Today I dislocated my shoulder again. I dislocated it back in November and it was a bitch. However, this time it is slightly more problematic. First of all there’s the fact that I care for 3 kids and you need 2 fully functional arms for that. I can’t drive, I can’t lift things, I can’t do anything. So that’s issue number one. The second issue is that this is the second dislocation in 5 months and my shoulder joint has some serious grooves in it which makes it dislocate more easily. To fix these grooves, I will need surgery. I don’t need to have surgery tomorrow but until I do my shoulder could dislocate while brushing my hair if I make the wrong move – no exaggeration, this is the example that the nurse used – and do I want to take that risk when working with kids? What if it happens when I’m alone with the kids. What if – God forbid – it happens when I’m holding the baby and I drop her or something. I don’t feel like it’s the responsible thing to do.

Basically there are 3 options for me right now: 1. I stick it out till my time here is up and basically spend the next 8 months afraid of every move I make, 2. I cut my year short and head home and basically cut my losses, find something else to do, or 3. I go home, get the surgery, get rehab and then come back to the states. This last option seems like the best one to me. But there are some things that make this problematic. I will probably have to pay for my own ticket home for example. Where am I gonna find that kind of money. Still, this is what I would go for if I had the choice I think.

I’m gonna have to make an appointment with the orthopedic surgeon to see how damaged and bad the situation exactly is. But still, the last time the surgeon told me that the first 3 months is going to be high risk for re-dislocation, and I wasn’t lifting 20 pound babies then every day.

In any case, my life sucks. The pain is okay at the moment, US hospitals give good drugs. Keep your fingers crossed for me, please.

Me at 10 am and 1 pm. Yay me.
Me at 10 am and 1 pm. Yay me.

On dislocation, slings and Graduation!

Today was my graduation ceremony day! You all must now officially address me as Emma, Master of Science. I mastered that science!

It was pretty cool. Even though the uni decided to do the ceremony individually, we (the students; there were only 5 of us) thought it would be cool if we all were there for each other. So every student had a full house instead of just a couple of family members. All of us got our diploma, duh, a rose, a USB/Pen/James Bond-esq gizmo thing, and a speech by the person who supervised our Master thesis. My supervisor talked about how I was tenacious and determined and a little headstrong but also has a very clear vision and goals. It was pretty cool. I felt very accomplished. ^_^

So today was a good day. Except for the fact that my arm is in a shoulder immobilizing sling because I dislocated my right shoulder last night. It was great, really. See, last winter I slipped on some ice and my laptop bag fell from my shoulder on my arm and it nearly got dislocated then, but it popped right back in. But I guess something got messed up then because when I threw a towel forcefully onto the ground yesterday evening, it popped right out. Pain.

So my mom drove me to the ER/A&E where they took x-rays, gave me painkillers and popped it back in. By then I was pretty out of it so luckily, it didn’t hurt too badly. But I do have to wear this sling for at least a week, even at night for the first few days. It’s a bitch and it hurts and its annoying but oh well, what am I gonna do.

I’ve got one of these


I did get scared for a little bit while in the hospital though. Because the nurse had said that if it was dislocated, best case they’d pop it back in and I’d be on my way. Worst case scenario meant surgery. So when the doctor came in and said ‘I’ve got some bad news’, everything flashed before my eyes. No graduation, maybe even no America! But then he said ‘it is dislocated’, and I was like ‘seriously.. that’s like the best thing out of all the possibilities!

Also my mom thought I was really funny after they gave me the pain meds. I always think it’s really important to be pleasant to doctors and nurses and everyone whose job it is to help you so I was sitting there on the hospital bed smiling, being pleasant in my mind. But my mom said I looked like I was totally stoned, smiling all goofy and swaying a little. Looking back, I think I was more out of it than I thought because the doctor had to keep drawing my attention to him by touching my knee so I guess I was drifting pretty badly. It’s funny how you don’t experience it like that!

But I guess the good comes with the bad. I hope the pain is gone soon and I can get back to my life!

But also, I’VE GRADUATED!!

I wrote this post with one hand and it’s a bitch.